National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK
Warning Signs
Talking
about suicide or making a plan. Obsessing about death. Writing poems, essays, or drawings that refer
to death. Sleeping or eating too much or too little. Giving away treasured belongings. Withdrawing
from friends and activities. Losing interest in personal appearance. Showing extreme changes in behavior
or personality. Taking unnecessary risks.
The more signs you see the greater the risk
If you feel suicidal, get help. Don't try to handle it alone. These feelings
may not go away without help. If you or a friend are feeling suicidal do:
Talk
to a friend, family member, counselor, or religious leader. Call 1-800-SUICIDE, a 24 hour a nationwide
suicide prevention hotline. Look in the phone book for your local community mental health center or
suicide or crisis hotline. Visit your family doctor. They can recommend counseling or medications. Go
to the hospital emergency room or call 911.
If
you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to
talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what
it is like to be in pain.
I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment,
you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life.
If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart
to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.
I have known a lot of people who have wanted
to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a
long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical
things I would like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if
you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.
Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you
to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep
inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair.
Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little
bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's hang
on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
Start by considering this statement:
"Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with
pain."
That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It
doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right
now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much
you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.
Don't accept it if someone tells you, "that's not enough to be suicidal about." There are many kinds of pain that may
lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else,
may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have.
Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings
are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an
imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources.
Both are possible.
Now I want to tell you five things to think about.
1
You need to hear
that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a
very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2
Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself,
"I will wait 24 hours before I do anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just
because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put
some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done it for
5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and
realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and
I hope it is to you.
3
People often turn
to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive
to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4
Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings,
either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions,
by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about
you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue
with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one
of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister
or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with
this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the
additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5
Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring
for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the
Internet.
Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.
Since
you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift
you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make
sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So lets give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until
they outnumber your sources of pain.
Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being
to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you
will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won't be the last. There are a lot
of people out there who really want to hear from you. It's time to start looking around for one of them.
Now: I'd like you to call someone.
And while you're at it, you can still
stay with me for a bit. Check out these sources of online help.
Additional things to read at this site:
How serious is our condition?..."he only took 15 pills, he wasn't really serious..." if others are making you feel like you're just trying to get attention...
read this.
Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal?...while most suicidal people recover and go on, others struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings for months or even
years. Suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Recovery from grief and loss...has anyone significant in your life recently died? You would be in good company... many suicidal people have recently
suffered a loss.
The stigma of suicidethat prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict
on us... and that we ourselves add to. Stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal feelings.
Resources about depression...if you are suicidal, you are most likely experiencing some form of depression. This is good news, because depression
can be treated, helping you feel better.
Do you know someone who is suicidal... or would you like to be
able to help, if the situation arises? Learn what to do, so that you can make the situation better, not worse.
The Samaritans - trained volunteers are available 24 hours a day to listen and provide emotional support. You can call a volunteer on the
phone, or e-mail them. Confidential and non-judgmental. Short of writing to a psychotherapist, the best source of online
help.
Depression support group online: Psych Central Depression Support Group - Please note: this is a very big group, but amidst all the chatter, it is possible to find someone who will hear
you and offer support.
Psych Central has a good listing of online resources for suicide and other mental health needs.
Still feel bad? These jokes might relieve the pressure for a minute or two.
If you want help finding a human being to talk with in person,
who can help you live through this, try reading this article about how to Choose a Competent Counselor.
Sometimes people need additional private help before they are ready to talk with someone in
person. Here are a few books you could read on your own in private. I know from personal experience that each one has helped
someone like you.
Suicide: The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett, PhD (Continuum, ISBN 0-8264-0391-3). Frank and helpful conversation with a therapist who cares.
Choosing to Live: how to defeat suicide through cognitive therapy by Thomas E. Ellis PsyD and Cory F. Newman PhD
(New Harbinger Publications, ISBN 1-57224-056-3). Another conversational book with practical help for suicidal persons.
Out of the Nightmare: Recovery From Depression And Suicidal Pain, by David L. Conroy, PhD (Authors Choice Press,
ISBN 0595414974). As if suicidal persons weren't feeling bad enough already, our thoughtless attitudes can cause them to feel
guilt and shame, and keep them from getting help in time. Dr. Conroy blasts apart the myths of suicide, and looks at suicidal
feelings from the inside, in a down to earth, non-judgmental way. This is a book that will save lives by washing away the
stigma of suicide and opening the door to a real way out of the nightmare.
I make no money
whatsoever on recommending these books... they are simply recommendations.
Would you like
to print out this page? Here is a plain black-on-white version that should print more easily.
Want to share your suicide story? Please visit the Suicide Project and leave your story
This page is provided as a public
service by Metanoia, and is dedicated with gratitude to David Conroy, Ph.D. whose work inspired it. Metanoia cannot provide
counseling to suicidal persons. If you need help please use the resources outlined above.
How to Help Yourself When You Are Feeling Suicidal
Feeling Suicidal?
How to Help Yourself Here are some ways to help yourself if you're
feeling suicidal:
Tell your therapist,
a friend, a family member, or someone else who can help.
Distance yourself from any means of suicide. If you are thinking
of taking an overdose, give your medicines to someone who can give them to you one day at a time. Remove any dangerous objects
or weapons from your home.
Avoid alcohol and other drugs of abuse.
Avoid
doing things you're likely to fail at or find difficult until you're feeling better. Know what your present limits are and
don't try to go beyond them until you feel better. Set realistic goals for yourself and work at them slowly, one step at a
time.
Make a written schedule for yourself every day and stick to it no
matter what. Set priorities for the things that need to be done first. Cross things out on your schedule as you finish them.
A written schedule gives you a sense of predictability and control. Crossing out tasks as you complete them gives a feeling
of accomplishment.
In your daily schedule don't forget to schedule at least two 30-minute
periods for activities which in the past have given you some pleasure such as: listening to music, playing a musical instrument,
meditating doing relaxation exercises, doing needlework, reading a book or magazine, taking a warm bath, sewing, writing,
shopping, playing games, watching your favorite DVD or video, gardening, playing with your pet, participating in a hobby,
taking a drive or a walk.
Take care of your physical health. Eat a well-balanced diet. Don't
skip meals. Get as much sleep as you need, and go out for one or two 30-minute walks each day.
Make
sure you spend at least 30-minutes a day in the sun. Bright light is good for everyone with depression, not just people with
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
You may not feel very social but make yourself talk to other people.
Whether you talk about your feelings or about any other topic, reducing your social isolation is likely to be helpful.
Remember
that while it may feel as if it will never end, depression is not a permanent condition.
The
National Hopeline Network 1-800-273-TALK (used to be 1-800-SUICIDE) provides access to trained telephone counselors,
24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or for a crisis center in your area, go here.
When You Fear Someone May Take Their Own
Life
Most suicides give some warning of their intentions. The most effective
way to prevent a friend or loved one from taking their life is to recognize when someone is at risk, take the warning signs
seriously and know how to respond.
The depression and emotional crises
that so often precede suicides are -- in most cases -- both recognizable and treatable.
Take It Seriously
Seventy-five percent of all suicides give some warning of their intentions
to a friend or family member.
All suicide
threats and attempts must be taken seriously.
Be Willing to Listen
Take the initiative to ask what is troubling them and persist to overcome
any reluctance to talk about it.
If
professional help is indicated, the person you care about is more apt to follow such a recommendation if you have listened
to him or her.
If your friend or loved one is depressed, don't be afraid to ask whether he or she is considering
suicide, or even if they have a particular plan or method in mind.
Do not attempt to argue anyone out of suicide.
Rather, let the person know you care and understand, that he or she is not alone, that suicidal feelings are temporary, that
depression can be treated and that problems can be solved. Avoid the temptation to say, "You have so much to live for," or
"Your suicide will hurt your family."
Seek Professional Help
Be actively involved in encouraging the person to see a physician or mental health professional immediately.
Individuals contemplating suicide often don't believe they can be helped, so you may have to do more. For example, a suicidal
college student resisted seeing a psychiatrist until his roommate offered to accompany him on the visit. A 17-year-old accompanied
her younger sister to a psychiatrist because her parents refused to become involved.
You can make a difference
by helping the person in need of help find a knowledgeable mental health professional or reputable treatment facility.
In an Acute Crisis
In an acute
crisis, take your friend or loved one to an emergency room or walk-in clinic at a psychiatric hospital.
Do not leave them alone until help is available.
Remove from the vicinity any firearms, drugs
or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt.
Hospitalization may be indicated and may be necessary at least until the crisis abates.
If a psychiatric facility is unavailable, go to your nearest hospital or clinic.
If
the above options are unavailable, call your local emergency number or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.
Follow-up on Treatment
Suicidal patients are often hesitant to seek help
and may run away or avoid it after an initial contact unless there is support for their continuing.
If
medication is prescribed, take an active role to make sure they are taking the medication and be sure to notify the physician
about any unexpected side effects. Often, alternative medications can be prescribed.
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